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Eulogies

Eulogies

S

Soapy

Joined
Oct 13, 2021
Messages
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I've only come back on here because of a couple of major family events in the last few months. My dad at 87 pegged it last year, but sadly my mum (took me to my first game in 1978) also went away on the 2nd of January. She'd had dementia for at least 18 months, and and it's been a nightmare. We have her funeral on Wednesday and I put myself up for the eulogy. Shitting myself. It's 75% ready, I think, but I don't know.

Has anyone else done a eulogy, any tips?

Both my parents couldn't give a shit about football btw. 🙂
 
First line, not totally true, we knew it was coming. Something about a reconnect?
 
Obviously massive condolences.

No expert- but take pressure off by realising that everyone is on your side - and anything that appears in your own head to be a stumble or an error will just be a huge exaggeration in your own mind - the mourners probably won’t know- or won’t care.

I say “probably” because you have to be mindful of possible sensitivities if there have been any family rifts etc.

Open your soul. Be kind in everything you say and you can’t go wrong. No need to be funny or feel pressured to find some previously unknown big secret to reveal.

You’ll be grand.
 
Soapy said:
I've only come back on here because of a couple of major family events in the last few months. My dad at 87 pegged it last year, but sadly my mum (took me to my first game in 1978) also went away on the 2nd of January. She'd had dementia for at least 18 months, and and it's been a nightmare. We have her funeral on Wednesday and I put myself up for the eulogy. Shitting myself. It's 75% ready, I think, but I don't know.

Has anyone else done a eulogy, any tips?

Both my parents couldn't give a shit about football btw. 🙂
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I did one at my mothers funeral, didn't write anything down, was just put on the spot in a Catholic Church, that I never ever went to in my life, I am not a Catholic so didn't understand the ceremonies, incense and the Catholic way.

My sister asked me to speak and I did, I just spoke about my mothers life, the hardship and her struggle to bring up 3 children in difficult circumstances. How she went out of her way to help people and especially people in need, my remembrance was about speaking from the heart and saying what everyone knew about my mother, her goodness and II did have to say her faith in her religion, which was unnecessary, probably a last minute addition to recognise rhe surroundings and the priests.

My advice is to speak about how she loved her family, the people she helped and the goodness that made her who she is.

Very sorry to hear about both your losses, a sad time, just speak about her from your remebrance of her love and compassion and what she did for you and her family..
 
Soapy said:
I've only come back on here because of a couple of major family events in the last few months. My dad at 87 pegged it last year, but sadly my mum (took me to my first game in 1978) also went away on the 2nd of January. She'd had dementia for at least 18 months, and and it's been a nightmare. We have her funeral on Wednesday and I put myself up for the eulogy. Shitting myself. It's 75% ready, I think, but I don't know.

Has anyone else done a eulogy, any tips?

Both my parents couldn't give a shit about football btw. 🙂
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Firstly my condolences - I know what a difficult time you must be going through. I would say to try and reflect who they were, and their life. In my opinion a eulogy should be unique to that person and celebrate as much as remember them. I loved Michael Clarke's eulogy for Phillip Hughes (Aussie cricketers) as it was deeply personal without sounding trite.
www.bbc.co.uk

Phillip Hughes funeral: Michael Clarke's eulogy in full

Read the full transcript of the eulogy delivered by Australia captain Michael Clarke at the funeral of Phillip Hughes.
www.bbc.co.uk www.bbc.co.uk
 
I written one for my Mum, who passed on the 2nd, funeral is on 27th (Thursday), one of 5 I should be going to on the same day (only going to my Mums). I was asked to speak at 3 of them. Starting my with 2022 can just do one already. Can't believe how many people its taken already and all are having Meat Loaf Bat out of hell as their departing song (sad he's just gone). Ok ranting. I was told to take a few negatives about them and turn them into funny Positives, (easy if you had any). So I started with 2022 can do one, but we not here to talk about that, we here to celebrate the Life of ****** and say our final goodbyes. I then speaking a bit about our Memories from child hood and a few funny stories, before thanking my mum for all she done, helping me rescue Birds etc.

Shame it wasn't for my Dad it would of been easy. "Just he to make sure he leaves, have a nice day".

Just make it funny, respectful and with great memories, get a few Memories from other Friends and Family etc.. I was told about 2 minutes (Great its in Wales, I'll be talking so fast they'll think I read it in Welsh)

condolences and good luck.
 
Soapy said:
I've only come back on here because of a couple of major family events in the last few months. My dad at 87 pegged it last year, but sadly my mum (took me to my first game in 1978) also went away on the 2nd of January. She'd had dementia for at least 18 months, and and it's been a nightmare. We have her funeral on Wednesday and I put myself up for the eulogy. Shitting myself. It's 75% ready, I think, but I don't know.

Has anyone else done a eulogy, any tips?

Both my parents couldn't give a shit about football btw. 🙂
Click to expand...
My condolences.

I've never given a eulogy, so can't help there I'm afraid, but just one small thing that jumped out at me in your post;

"Shitting myself"

I think you needn't. You'll be talking to a group of people who all know, love and respect your mum about what a lovely woman she was and sharing some nice memories. Don't stress it cha, relax and take comfort in the company you'll be in.

Hope it goes well for you.
 
MBcha said:
My condolences.

I've never given a eulogy, so can't help there I'm afraid, but just one small thing that jumped out at me in your post;

"Shitting myself"

I think you needn't. You'll be talking to a group of people who all know, love and respect your mum about what a lovely woman she was and sharing some nice memories. Don't stress it cha, relax and take comfort in the company you'll be in.

Hope it goes well for you.
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Your right, but going to be honest, Shitting it is a polite way of putting it. The fear of messing up. But like you said relax, and have someone with you that can take over if you can't go on and support you.
 
FootballcrazyP_ said:
Your right, but going to be honest, Shitting it is a polite way of putting it. The fear of messing up. But like you said relax, and have someone with you that can take over if you can't go on and support you.
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I realise it's easier said than done in that situation but there's really nothing to fear, there will be nobody there who wouldn't expect you to be upset and possibly struggle to get your words out.

Hope the eulogy you deliver goes well also Crazy, but don't worry if it doesn't either. Grief is a funny thing, just do your best mate.
 
MBcha said:
My condolences.

I've never given a eulogy, so can't help there I'm afraid, but just one small thing that jumped out at me in your post;

"Shitting myself"

I think you needn't. You'll be talking to a group of people who all know, love and respect your mum about what a lovely woman she was and sharing some nice memories. Don't stress it cha, relax and take comfort in the company you'll be in.

Hope it goes well for you.
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Excellent advice.

I had to do one a couple of years ago for my mother, and dreaded it. I hate public speaking. But all the advice I read online said` Remember...no-one will judge your performance, people expect you to be struggling a little, and will only be sympathetic`.

The second piece of very useful advice was to get the last couple of lines right, and don`t worry unduly about the rest.
There are a lot of great endings to choose from on the internet...the one I used ( which many remarked on positively ) was ` And only as we miss you in the years ahead will we begin to understand how much you gave us`.

`
 
Soapy said:
I've only come back on here because of a couple of major family events in the last few months. My dad at 87 pegged it last year, but sadly my mum (took me to my first game in 1978) also went away on the 2nd of January. She'd had dementia for at least 18 months, and and it's been a nightmare. We have her funeral on Wednesday and I put myself up for the eulogy. Shitting myself. It's 75% ready, I think, but I don't know.

Has anyone else done a eulogy, any tips?

Both my parents couldn't give a shit about football btw. 🙂
Click to expand...
Many condolences Soapy for your very sad losses…

I have never done one ( I didn’t have the courage at my Mums funeral ) but one thing I would say is, don’t be afraid to crack some funnies and tell some light hearted stories about her life..

I went to my Uncles funeral in December and one of his daughters did the eulogy , it was brilliant - lots of laughter and crying all captured in that 15/20 minute speech..
 
Condolences.

Personally, I would just speak from the heart, the memories and funny moments, some poignant, will come flooding back as you stand there giving the speech. Anecdotes that may seem or sound daft and usually mean nothing in the widest sense are often the best memories to leave the tip of your tongue.

All the best fella. 🙏
 
Thank you for all the advice and tips. Mum was quite religious and we had to move her in her later days, but the vicar from her old Church is travelling 150 miles or so to see her send off for us. He's said he'll help me out if needed and he asked for a copy of what I'm going to say.
Still shitting myself. 🙂
 
Soapy said:
Thank you for all the advice and tips. Mum was quite religious and we had to move her in her later days, but the vicar from her old Church is travelling 150 miles or so to see her send off for us. He's said he'll help me out if needed and he asked for a copy of what I'm going to say.
Still shitting myself. 🙂
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Everything will be fine Soapy….

Have you got some nice hymns to say goodbye to her with ??

My Mum decided long before she died which 3 Catholic hymns she wanted playing in church !!
 
Ando60 said:
Everything will be fine Soapy….

Have you got some nice hymns to say goodbye to her with ??

My Mum decided long before she died which 3 Catholic hymns she wanted playing in church !!
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Thank you, Songs of praise was always on, on a Sunday, but just before dad died, when I went to look after him last June, he wanted me to put it on a lot. Mum, who was the most religious out of the two of them was back her childhood days by then.

We've got 2 good hymns, with backing vocals, because sadly there wont be many of us there. Almost all of us will me and my sibling's teenage kids who only mouth words to songs like that. 🙂
 
Thanks once again for the tips.

Did it earlier and I thought it went okay. I was quite calm until I had to get up in front of everyone, but then the nerves kicked in and my voice turned into a massive warble. It was starting to feel like a panic attack (which I've never had before)
Then the fire alarm went off when I was about a minute in. It lasted about a minute, and at first everyone just stared in silence thinking "oh f**k", what do we do? It was a false alarm, but given it was at the chapel at the crem, myself and some others started grinning at each other, but not quite laughing. Oddly, it helped though and relaxed me, and I was able to pick up and finish it. Kicking myself a bit because as the the alarm was ringing I thought about looking to mums coffin and saying "was that you?" But I shat it. The vicar made the same joke a bit later. 🙂
It was a quite a mundane speech, but my siblings have asked for copies of it and others have called me, brave, heroic and amazing for picking it up again and finishing it. Lol, if only they knew.
Thank fuck I won't have to do that again, but I'm glad I did. We've now got mum and dad's ashes to spread and we're arranging to do it in the river Tay near Dundee where they're both from, so will have to say something but hopefully it'll be less intense next time.

Thanks again.
 
FootballcrazyP_ said:
I written one for my Mum, who passed on the 2nd, funeral is on 27th (Thursday), one of 5 I should be going to on the same day (only going to my Mums). I was asked to speak at 3 of them. Starting my with 2022 can just do one already. Can't believe how many people its taken already and all are having Meat Loaf Bat out of hell as their departing song (sad he's just gone). Ok ranting. I was told to take a few negatives about them and turn them into funny Positives, (easy if you had any). So I started with 2022 can do one, but we not here to talk about that, we here to celebrate the Life of ****** and say our final goodbyes. I then speaking a bit about our Memories from child hood and a few funny stories, before thanking my mum for all she done, helping me rescue Birds etc.

Shame it wasn't for my Dad it would of been easy. "Just he to make sure he leaves, have a nice day".

Just make it funny, respectful and with great memories, get a few Memories from other Friends and Family etc.. I was told about 2 minutes (Great its in Wales, I'll be talking so fast they'll think I read it in Welsh)

condolences and good luck.
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Best wishes for later, hope all goes as well as it can do.
 
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