Suffering

[Sevenoak]

I’m a regular enough poster but would prefer the veil of anonymity to get some stuff off my chest.

My mental health is suffering significantly for the first time in ages. I’ve struggled very badly in the past but, as I’ve matured, it’s really dissipated to the point that I felt fairly confident I’d overcome the worst of it.

But recently, since the turn of the year or so, I’ve lost chunks of my weeks to debilitating depression. I’ve spent entire days in bed because I can’t see any point in getting out of it. When I have risen from it, I’ve drifted through days as if I’m a spectre.

I think I can locate the reason. It’s because I’m in my final year of uni and I have a mountain of work to get through by September. I’ve found the whole work side of uni very tough to be honest; I’ve only handed in one essay out of two so far, hence the backlog this year. I’ve constantly found myself questioning my intelligence and wondering whether I’m cut out for it. I’ve pushed myself so hard at times (laziness has never been an issue) but I’ve felt crippled with doubt and anxiety at the moment of having to put my own thoughts on paper, worrying that they’ll be deemed laughably inadequate. Saying that, some of those fears were assuaged when I handed in that first essay and got a decent mark for it so I think perhaps it’s the quantity of work that is getting me down. I’m just petrified that I won’t be able to churn out 3 big essays within a short timeframe and, ultimately, I’m very concerned that what I produce will be a total failure.

I can’t work out whether I’m being soft or not, whether I should just get my arse into gear and fucking fight this sometimes paralysing anxiety. But I’ve never been very good at compartmentalising any work-related stress; unless something that’s weighing me down is off my back, I genuinely feel like I can’t live my life to the fullest. It’s more than that though; when I feel like the enjoyment is slowly being drained out of my life, I start to withdraw from things and my confidence begins to crumble. And that’s really how it feels at the moment. I feel like I can’t do things I had no qualms about a few months ago. I’m starting to find it very hard to locate things I like about myself because I’m beginning to feel like a shadow of a person and it’s doing my fucking head in. It took me a long time to form any kind of self-confidence (I was a pretty withdrawn youth who had weight problems) but when I finally found some, it was like my world was turned upside down. I couldn’t believe you could actually feel so good about yourself. At the best of times, I genuinely loved myself, as everyone should. And now I feel like it’s all slipping away again, that I’m losing precious days, weeks and months of my life to severe unhappiness. Every day is a fucking chore at the moment and, more than anything, I feel bored and listless and pretty much unable to engage with anything properly.

I won’t lie- I have thought about hurting myself a few times. It’s never reached a point where I’ve planned it but the thought has reverberated in my mind that I might be better off just not here. I haven’t thought like this in years. I just worry that the closer these deadlines loom, the more substance these thoughts will acquire. I know ultimately that I don’t want to hurt myself, that I’ve had periods in my life where I’ve had so much to live for. But it’s that fucking predictable cycle kicking in once more. Seemingly insurmountable pressure determining how much I engage with things externally, not engaging with things in the way I normally would causing me to question myself and how my worth I have and questioning how much worth I have making me feel desperately unhappy and feeling like everything is reverting to how it used to be. I fucking hate it and I just want it all to go away. I’ve considered medication and I wonder if it might be a sensible route to go down but I don’t know. Right now, I just feel like shit and wanted to get it off my chest.

Thanks for reading this if you have. I think this has helped but I don’t know. I’ll just have to keep ploughing on, even if it’s the last thing on Earth I feel like doing. I just want to feel happier again. Because I love life when I do.

 

[stf4ever]

I’m a regular enough poster but would prefer the veil of anonymity to get some stuff off my chest.

My mental health is suffering significantly for the first time in ages. I’ve struggled very badly in the past but, as I’ve matured, it’s really dissipated to the point that I felt fairly confident I’d overcome the worst of it.

But recently, since the turn of the year or so, I’ve lost chunks of my weeks to debilitating depression. I’ve spent entire days in bed because I can’t see any point in getting out of it. When I have risen from it, I’ve drifted through days as if I’m a spectre.

I think I can locate the reason. It’s because I’m in my final year of uni and I have a mountain of work to get through by September. I’ve found the whole work side of uni very tough to be honest; I’ve only handed in one essay out of two so far, hence the backlog this year. I’ve constantly found myself questioning my intelligence and wondering whether I’m cut out for it. I’ve pushed myself so hard at times (laziness has never been an issue) but I’ve felt crippled with doubt and anxiety at the moment of having to put my own thoughts on paper, worrying that they’ll be deemed laughably inadequate. Saying that, some of those fears were assuaged when I handed in that first essay and got a decent mark for it so I think perhaps it’s the quantity of work that is getting me down. I’m just petrified that I won’t be able to churn out 3 big essays within a short timeframe and, ultimately, I’m very concerned that what I produce will be a total failure.

I can’t work out whether I’m being soft or not, whether I should just get my arse into gear and fucking fight this sometimes paralysing anxiety. But I’ve never been very good at compartmentalising any work-related stress; unless something that’s weighing me down is off my back, I genuinely feel like I can’t live my life to the fullest. It’s more than that though; when I feel like the enjoyment is slowly being drained out of my life, I start to withdraw from things and my confidence begins to crumble. And that’s really how it feels at the moment. I feel like I can’t do things I had no qualms about a few months ago. I’m starting to find it very hard to locate things I like about myself because I’m beginning to feel like a shadow of a person and it’s doing my fucking head in. It took me a long time to form any kind of self-confidence (I was a pretty withdrawn youth who had weight problems) but when I finally found some, it was like my world was turned upside down. I couldn’t believe you could actually feel so good about yourself. At the best of times, I genuinely loved myself, as everyone should. And now I feel like it’s all slipping away again, that I’m losing precious days, weeks and months of my life to severe unhappiness. Every day is a fucking chore at the moment and, more than anything, I feel bored and listless and pretty much unable to engage with anything properly.

I won’t lie- I have thought about hurting myself a few times. It’s never reached a point where I’ve planned it but the thought has reverberated in my mind that I might be better off just not here. I haven’t thought like this in years. I just worry that the closer these deadlines loom, the more substance these thoughts will acquire. I know ultimately that I don’t want to hurt myself, that I’ve had periods in my life where I’ve had so much to live for. But it’s that fucking predictable cycle kicking in once more. Seemingly insurmountable pressure determining how much I engage with things externally, not engaging with things in the way I normally would causing me to question myself and how my worth I have and questioning how much worth I have making me feel desperately unhappy and feeling like everything is reverting to how it used to be. I fucking hate it and I just want it all to go away. I’ve considered medication and I wonder if it might be a sensible route to go down but I don’t know. Right now, I just feel like shit and wanted to get it off my chest.

Thanks for reading this if you have. I think this has helped but I don’t know. I’ll just have to keep ploughing on, even if it’s the last thing on Earth I feel like doing. I just want to feel happier again. Because I love life when I do.

Christ, this could have been written by me in my last year of uni, except I was a lazy bastard.

Go and get yourself a counsellor, your uni will have plenty at no cost. Talking will always lessen the burden.

Although it's tough to imagine right now, trust me when I say your life isn't defined by your uni degree, and certainly won't be in 5 years time.

I'd recommend that if you have a concern that the dark thoughts might take a hold then get help in the form of medication. Doesn't have to be a long term measure.

And if you ever want a chat or to meet up for a pint, please feel free to PM me.

 

[daddyman16]

Best thing you can do is get a referral from your G.P to Mindsmatter who do NHS talking therapy. I know Mindsmatter used to do self referrals, but unsure if this has changed since the pandemic.

From there Mindsmatter will either offer you therapy and/or refer you to the START service. Just as a world of warning though, there is currently only one psychiatrist working in the team, down from about three or four, so if medication is what you need then do (potentially) expect a slower waiting time than you would for therapy or a telephone triage with START.

This time of year is bad for hobbies, along with your time constraints, but do make sure you're getting walks and time out. Also pay attention to what you're eating, you need lots of brain food- things packed with Omega fats and antioxidents, Salmon, Blueberries, Chia Seeds, Spirulina etc.

You can also try the mindfulness apps, ones that help with breathing techniques etc, I didn't find them useful but I know a lot of others do.

You could also keep some sort of mood diary (on top of that pile of assignments...) to spot what triggers the way you feel, what happens before that trigger and after that trigger. Cognitive Behavioural therapists at Mindsmatter will tell you to do one anyway, so if you want to be ahead of the game then by all means give it a try.

Sorry if it seems generic, but I was an Open Uni student so I had a different set of challenges as a student but with a lot less of a workload. I have however gone through bad mental health, in and out, and I work in the field of mental health. Hopefully some of this list helps.

 

[Oh Hughie Costello]

I remember on my first day at uni, one of my tutors said that they suffered with depression whilst a uni and it's probably a lot more common than you think. Talking to a tutor, or even sending them a version of your post via email could be the key to getting through this. Being in your early 20s (I presume that's your age) is a key time that depression can kick in because you don't necessarily have the 9-5 structure in life that is actually beneficial sometimes.

My partner also suffers from anxiety and depression. I'm very much still of the mindset that people need to "get a grip and get on with it" as that's the best way I've found for people to deal with it. For those in my family who have chosen this method they still lead "normal" lives, with "blips" from time to time. Those who took the medication route now live on benefits and are too scared to rejoin the real world - but that's another story.

Help is out there, but you've got to chose what works for yourself. A lot of people go back to an old hobby from childhood. It's a good starting point because it helps the mind to reset and gives you a reason to at least leave the house some days.

 

[Lord Edgington]

Big chunk
You have heard the expression don’t boil the ocean
Well I think that’s where you are
Try to look at what you need to do in smaller elements - often when we get overloaded we end up not actually doing anything constructive, but as the Chinese proverb says “ for every long journey there must be a first step”
And also, walk away for short times? Fresh air, a good walk, a quiet moment people watching, a swim, something to get the heart working, definitely not the pub.
You are at university because you’ve done well in your life path to date, there because you are smart, you care and you can
Big chunk
❤️

 

[jakehake]

Desperate times, desperate measures. Is it worth asking to defer to finish a year later if possible?. If you genuinely aren’t in the frame of mind to do this, speak to the University. You aren’t the first nor the last who will go through this, they know this and have a duty as they also want you to achieve what you can. It’s close to the end of your time there so it’s a shame to give up on what you’ve achieved to get this far.

do you live with other students or in shared space type accommodation? Have you talked this through with any friends. Short term, you’ve got this far, you can do it. It’s a wobble. It’s a wobble that feels hard to get past currently. But you will. You’ve made the first step by talking openly, even if just in this forum. That’s more than a lot of people would be brave enough to do. You want to get past this point. This much is clear. You, us, the Uni, your friends, want you to get there too.

 

[Sevenoak]

Thanks everyone for your responses. It means a lot.

I often get the feeling that I’m being melodramatic. Maybe I am. But it’s not important. I think ultimately that I go through phases of my life like this and maybe I just have to accept it. But at least I have people, in actual and virtual form, to fall back on when I do. And I really appreciate the fact that I do.

So thank you. You’re a proper good bunch. I’ll get through it and life will improve incrementally. It has before and I know it will again.

Cheers.

 

[MBcha]

Thanks everyone for your responses. It means a lot.

I often get the feeling that I’m being melodramatic. Maybe I am. But it’s not important. I think ultimately that I go through phases of my life like this and maybe I just have to accept it. But at least I have people, in actual and virtual form, to fall back on when I do. And I really appreciate the fact that I do.

So thank you. You’re a proper good bunch. I’ll get through it and life will improve incrementally. It has before and I know it will again.

Cheers.

A rabbit and a deer are walking through a dense, dark forest. The rabbit, panicking, turns to the deer and says,
"I can't see a way through"
"Can you see your next step?" Replied the deer.
"Yes"
"So just take that".

Life gets overwhelming pretty quickly when you look at all of it in one go. Take a breath and just a step at a time mate.

Keep talking cha.

 

[Lord Edgington]

Thanks everyone for your responses. It means a lot.

I often get the feeling that I’m being melodramatic. Maybe I am. But it’s not important. I think ultimately that I go through phases of my life like this and maybe I just have to accept it. But at least I have people, in actual and virtual form, to fall back on when I do. And I really appreciate the fact that I do.

So thank you. You’re a proper good bunch. I’ll get through it and life will improve incrementally. It has before and I know it will again.

Cheers.

Melodramatic??
I’ve been doing my job for forty years, often now I have to stand in front of many people to present and facilitate, this can be 100’s or occasionally more
I know my job and I know my industry.
Yet still I feel utter dread, I swear like Gary barlows accountant and I am convinced I will make a fool of myself
Then I take a foot onstage and somehow everything follows…….

 

[Lord Edgington]

Melodramatic??
I’ve been doing my job for forty years, often now I have to stand in front of many people to present and facilitate, this can be 100’s or occasionally more
I know my job and I know my industry.
Yet still I feel utter dread, I swear like Gary barlows accountant and I am convinced I will make a fool of myself
Then I take a foot onstage and somehow everything follows…….

Sweat
Not swear

 

[stf4ever]

Thanks everyone for your responses. It means a lot.

I often get the feeling that I’m being melodramatic. Maybe I am. But it’s not important. I think ultimately that I go through phases of my life like this and maybe I just have to accept it. But at least I have people, in actual and virtual form, to fall back on when I do. And I really appreciate the fact that I do.

So thank you. You’re a proper good bunch. I’ll get through it and life will improve incrementally. It has before and I know it will again.

Cheers.

My first big dose of depression came during my last year of uni. I'd split up with my girlfriend, lost my friend to a road collision, and was headed for a degree classification that was well beneath me (still finished with a shit degree).

Its funny really, because if I analyse myself before that period, I was incredibly naive. I find that I was the type of person who expected the world to move when I was ready for it.

Depression opened my eyes to a lot of things. Mainly, though, that the type of success I was expecting didn't just happen and more importantly, wasn't going to make me happy.

I'm currently earning pittance, doing a job I love with some truly fantastic people. I've got a healthy routine built up and I'm constantly on the look out for new opportunities.

Don't think of this as something that will drag you down continuously. Think of it as something that can help build yourself. You've had some wonderful people here give some wonderful advice.

The main thing though, as hard as it is to achieve at uni, is a routine. Fill your time with the gym, sports, debate clubs, anything you've got an interest in, even if you're shit at it. Learn about yourself, learn what makes you happy and make sure you focus enough of your time on attaining those things.

I slip up all the time too (well not all the time, but more frequently than would be perfect). I'm an ex druggie that sometimes slips up with that and many other things. As long as you don't overly punish yourself and ensure that you pick yourself back up you'll be happy with who you are.

As the old adage goes, it's not about how many times you get sent to the canvas, it's about how you get back up.

 

[Malcy16]

I’m a regular enough poster but would prefer the veil of anonymity to get some stuff off my chest.

My mental health is suffering significantly for the first time in ages. I’ve struggled very badly in the past but, as I’ve matured, it’s really dissipated to the point that I felt fairly confident I’d overcome the worst of it.

But recently, since the turn of the year or so, I’ve lost chunks of my weeks to debilitating depression. I’ve spent entire days in bed because I can’t see any point in getting out of it. When I have risen from it, I’ve drifted through days as if I’m a spectre.

I think I can locate the reason. It’s because I’m in my final year of uni and I have a mountain of work to get through by September. I’ve found the whole work side of uni very tough to be honest; I’ve only handed in one essay out of two so far, hence the backlog this year. I’ve constantly found myself questioning my intelligence and wondering whether I’m cut out for it. I’ve pushed myself so hard at times (laziness has never been an issue) but I’ve felt crippled with doubt and anxiety at the moment of having to put my own thoughts on paper, worrying that they’ll be deemed laughably inadequate. Saying that, some of those fears were assuaged when I handed in that first essay and got a decent mark for it so I think perhaps it’s the quantity of work that is getting me down. I’m just petrified that I won’t be able to churn out 3 big essays within a short timeframe and, ultimately, I’m very concerned that what I produce will be a total failure.

I can’t work out whether I’m being soft or not, whether I should just get my arse into gear and fucking fight this sometimes paralysing anxiety. But I’ve never been very good at compartmentalising any work-related stress; unless something that’s weighing me down is off my back, I genuinely feel like I can’t live my life to the fullest. It’s more than that though; when I feel like the enjoyment is slowly being drained out of my life, I start to withdraw from things and my confidence begins to crumble. And that’s really how it feels at the moment. I feel like I can’t do things I had no qualms about a few months ago. I’m starting to find it very hard to locate things I like about myself because I’m beginning to feel like a shadow of a person and it’s doing my fucking head in. It took me a long time to form any kind of self-confidence (I was a pretty withdrawn youth who had weight problems) but when I finally found some, it was like my world was turned upside down. I couldn’t believe you could actually feel so good about yourself. At the best of times, I genuinely loved myself, as everyone should. And now I feel like it’s all slipping away again, that I’m losing precious days, weeks and months of my life to severe unhappiness. Every day is a fucking chore at the moment and, more than anything, I feel bored and listless and pretty much unable to engage with anything properly.

I won’t lie- I have thought about hurting myself a few times. It’s never reached a point where I’ve planned it but the thought has reverberated in my mind that I might be better off just not here. I haven’t thought like this in years. I just worry that the closer these deadlines loom, the more substance these thoughts will acquire. I know ultimately that I don’t want to hurt myself, that I’ve had periods in my life where I’ve had so much to live for. But it’s that fucking predictable cycle kicking in once more. Seemingly insurmountable pressure determining how much I engage with things externally, not engaging with things in the way I normally would causing me to question myself and how my worth I have and questioning how much worth I have making me feel desperately unhappy and feeling like everything is reverting to how it used to be. I fucking hate it and I just want it all to go away. I’ve considered medication and I wonder if it might be a sensible route to go down but I don’t know. Right now, I just feel like shit and wanted to get it off my chest.

Thanks for reading this if you have. I think this has helped but I don’t know. I’ll just have to keep ploughing on, even if it’s the last thing on Earth I feel like doing. I just want to feel happier again. Because I love life when I do.

Few things that I've learnt over the years

- Talking definitely helps whether its mates, family, teachers or even on here. (I've found PNE-Online really helpful and uplifting at times when I'm struggling)
- If you have a hell of a lot to do then make a list. It'll help you not forget anything but also when you tick something you've done you can start to see the progress you are making with the tasks/work you have to do.
- Give yourself a break. I'm sure life is dominated with work right now at University but make sure you give yourself a segment of the day doing something that makes you happy.
- Also like the previous point make sure you get some exercise in - If you go for a run or something then you can give your mind a break from horrible thoughts and focus on other things like "When will this horrendous run ever end, I'm knackered!"
- Finally take a moment to not just look at what you have got to do but also look back and see what you have accomplished - think of things that you have thought are daunting and difficult. It was probably stressful getting through earlier year of Uni, starting Uni, getting into Uni, Getting into college/sixth form etc. When you look at all the huge things that you have managed then this can help you see how strong you really are.

You are also a strong individual by posting this. - May not seem like much but people (myself included) can keep something like that bottled up.

 

[Snickiwi]

I’m a regular enough poster but would prefer the veil of anonymity to get some stuff off my chest.

My mental health is suffering significantly for the first time in ages. I’ve struggled very badly in the past but, as I’ve matured, it’s really dissipated to the point that I felt fairly confident I’d overcome the worst of it.

But recently, since the turn of the year or so, I’ve lost chunks of my weeks to debilitating depression. I’ve spent entire days in bed because I can’t see any point in getting out of it. When I have risen from it, I’ve drifted through days as if I’m a spectre.

I think I can locate the reason. It’s because I’m in my final year of uni and I have a mountain of work to get through by September. I’ve found the whole work side of uni very tough to be honest; I’ve only handed in one essay out of two so far, hence the backlog this year. I’ve constantly found myself questioning my intelligence and wondering whether I’m cut out for it. I’ve pushed myself so hard at times (laziness has never been an issue) but I’ve felt crippled with doubt and anxiety at the moment of having to put my own thoughts on paper, worrying that they’ll be deemed laughably inadequate. Saying that, some of those fears were assuaged when I handed in that first essay and got a decent mark for it so I think perhaps it’s the quantity of work that is getting me down. I’m just petrified that I won’t be able to churn out 3 big essays within a short timeframe and, ultimately, I’m very concerned that what I produce will be a total failure.

I can’t work out whether I’m being soft or not, whether I should just get my arse into gear and fucking fight this sometimes paralysing anxiety. But I’ve never been very good at compartmentalising any work-related stress; unless something that’s weighing me down is off my back, I genuinely feel like I can’t live my life to the fullest. It’s more than that though; when I feel like the enjoyment is slowly being drained out of my life, I start to withdraw from things and my confidence begins to crumble. And that’s really how it feels at the moment. I feel like I can’t do things I had no qualms about a few months ago. I’m starting to find it very hard to locate things I like about myself because I’m beginning to feel like a shadow of a person and it’s doing my fucking head in. It took me a long time to form any kind of self-confidence (I was a pretty withdrawn youth who had weight problems) but when I finally found some, it was like my world was turned upside down. I couldn’t believe you could actually feel so good about yourself. At the best of times, I genuinely loved myself, as everyone should. And now I feel like it’s all slipping away again, that I’m losing precious days, weeks and months of my life to severe unhappiness. Every day is a fucking chore at the moment and, more than anything, I feel bored and listless and pretty much unable to engage with anything properly.

I won’t lie- I have thought about hurting myself a few times. It’s never reached a point where I’ve planned it but the thought has reverberated in my mind that I might be better off just not here. I haven’t thought like this in years. I just worry that the closer these deadlines loom, the more substance these thoughts will acquire. I know ultimately that I don’t want to hurt myself, that I’ve had periods in my life where I’ve had so much to live for. But it’s that fucking predictable cycle kicking in once more. Seemingly insurmountable pressure determining how much I engage with things externally, not engaging with things in the way I normally would causing me to question myself and how my worth I have and questioning how much worth I have making me feel desperately unhappy and feeling like everything is reverting to how it used to be. I fucking hate it and I just want it all to go away. I’ve considered medication and I wonder if it might be a sensible route to go down but I don’t know. Right now, I just feel like shit and wanted to get it off my chest.

Thanks for reading this if you have. I think this has helped but I don’t know. I’ll just have to keep ploughing on, even if it’s the last thing on Earth I feel like doing. I just want to feel happier again. Because I love life when I do.

I learned many valuable lessons during my anxiety and depression time, so much so that I am almost grateful for the experience.
The most important I think was, don't look for reasons why, accept that what your feeling is usually just a side effect of a tired mind and the thoughts you get are uncontrollable. They are not made consciously. Looking for reasons why took me down a very deep hole and almost cost me my marriage, at one point, that was the reason.

A thought has never harmed anyone. A panic attack has never harmed anyone. Don't fight the thoughts, accept them as part of what you are.
I found that the key is how you react to the thoughts, that initial response to a negative scary thought is vital. If you let it in, it will spiral.

I am thankful that I found an online resource that helped me foresee and deal with those types of thoughts and it was the beginning of a new chapter of my life. If you need any pointers please drop me a PM.

And you are not alone. As you have read just on here, there is support and help everywhere and people willing to step up to help. Please reach out whenever you feel low.

The life you love is still here, it's just hidden in the fog that will lift.

 

[Regardless]

I remember on my first day at uni, one of my tutors said that they suffered with depression whilst a uni and it's probably a lot more common than you think. Talking to a tutor, or even sending them a version of your post via email could be the key to getting through this. Being in your early 20s (I presume that's your age) is a key time that depression can kick in because you don't necessarily have the 9-5 structure in life that is actually beneficial sometimes.

My partner also suffers from anxiety and depression. I'm very much still of the mindset that people need to "get a grip and get on with it" as that's the best way I've found for people to deal with it. For those in my family who have chosen this method they still lead "normal" lives, with "blips" from time to time. Those who took the medication route now live on benefits and are too scared to rejoin the real world - but that's another story.

Help is out there, but you've got to chose what works for yourself. A lot of people go back to an old hobby from childhood. It's a good starting point because it helps the mind to reset and gives you a reason to at least leave the house some days.

Really great to have that perspective - and some good advice in there. People can be frightened to acknowledge that sometimes, “get a grip” actually can be good advice (even though the recipient can only actually ’get a grip’ when they’re ready). But it really must be given in a framework that also acknowledges that medication or councelling can also be an excellent route.

It’s never easy to know which route is better. But I know plenty of people who have used antidepressants very successfully - sometimes continuously, or sometimes as a stepping stone to a happier place in successful / fulfilling lives. I cannot know, but don’t feel that your family’s experience with medication is representative of the wider population.

@the OP ….Jake suggested discussing deferring a year. This is an excellent discussion to have with uni counsellors and/or caring academic staff - which might lead to you actually deferring - or might just help you get things straight in your own mind.

Your academic supervisor will have had this exact type of discussion in the past with dozens/hundreds of students - almost certainly including some of your course-mates. I would expect them to be very sympathetic and helpful.

I have experience of feeling overwhelmed by work at uni. I would gladly share by PM. But whatever - be kind to yourself and good luck.

 

[stf4ever]

Really great to have that perspective - and some good advice in there. People can be frightened to acknowledge that sometimes, “get a grip” actually can be good advice (even though the recipient can only actually ’get a grip’ when they’re ready). But it really must be given in a framework that also acknowledges that medication or councelling can also be an excellent route.

It’s never easy to know which route is better. But I know plenty of people who have used antidepressants very successfully - sometimes continuously, or sometimes as a stepping stone to a happier place in successful / fulfilling lives. I cannot know, but don’t feel that your family’s experience with medication is representative of the wider population.

@the OP ….Jake suggested discussing deferring a year. This is an excellent discussion to have with uni counsellors and/or caring academic staff - which might lead to you actually deferring - or might just help you get things straight in your own mind.

Your academic supervisor will have had this exact type of discussion in the past with dozens/hundreds of students - almost certainly including some of your course-mates. I would expect them to be very sympathetic and helpful.

I have experience of feeling overwhelmed by work at uni. I would gladly share by PM. But whatever - be kind to yourself and good luck.

To back this up, I deferred for two years and the university couldn't have been more accomodating.

I was heading for a failed degree and managed to pass.

 

[Ando60]

Desperate times, desperate measures. Is it worth asking to defer to finish a year later if possible?. If you genuinely aren’t in the frame of mind to do this, speak to the University. You aren’t the first nor the last who will go through this, they know this and have a duty as they also want you to achieve what you can. It’s close to the end of your time there so it’s a shame to give up on what you’ve achieved to get this far.

do you live with other students or in shared space type accommodation? Have you talked this through with any friends. Short term, you’ve got this far, you can do it. It’s a wobble. It’s a wobble that feels hard to get past currently. But you will. You’ve made the first step by talking openly, even if just in this forum. That’s more than a lot of people would be brave enough to do. You want to get past this point. This much is clear. You, us, the Uni, your friends, want you to get there too.

Great post Jake , good advice..

I guess by deferring your exams ( if it’s possible ) it puts you back in control and should lessen the anxiety…

 

[Liberation]

This forum never ceases to amaze... How many football forums would rally round like this and help a member in need? Not many I'll wager.I can't add anything useful to this as the advise so far given has been excellent. Makes you proud to be part of it ( even if we fall out now and again)

To the OP... Feel free to PM me anytime if you fancy a chat. I had a real shit year last year ( not covid related) but it's levelled now and I had a good few chats with people on here that helped a lot. Hearing other peoples experiences tends to put things into perspective. And if I were you I would almost certainly speak to a counsellor at Uni because they may be able to defer some of your work and offer further advise. You've taken the first step by writing and posting your thoughts on here ( which is brilliant). Take the next one mate and best of luck... Keep us updated because people do care.. 👍

 

[Lord Edgington]

There is another way of looking at the deferral
It can just move the issue down the line
Maybe have a chat with a tutor and ask where they think you are and offer a baseline - maybe you are a lot more further in than you think or possibly not
It can feel like herding cats at times whilst holding a bag of mad squirrels
Tie the bag of squirrel’s and pop them safely on the floor, no harm will come to them
Then look out for the mist familiar cat to you and grab that one,
Great - we are one step nearer
You get the idea I’m sure
And most of all, try to think of the worst outcome, then halve it, halve again and maybe one more time for fun - the worst outcome rarely happens but at 4am lying awake it does.
Breathe, think, and I mean truly think with no distractions - do it walking with no mobile and no music, just you
You are smart and you have the answers, it’s just herding cats 😉

 

[Lord Edgington]

This forum never ceases to amaze... How many football forums would rally round like this and help a member in need? Not many I'll wager.I can't add anything useful to this as the advise so far given has been excellent. Makes you proud to be part of it ( even if we fall out now and again)

To the OP... Feel free to PM me anytime if you fancy a chat. I had a real shit year last year ( not covid related) but it's levelled now and I had a good few chats with people on here that helped a lot. Hearing other peoples experiences tends to put things into perspective. And if I were you I would almost certainly speak to a counsellor at Uni because they may be able to defer some of your work and offer further advise. You've taken the first step by writing and posting your thoughts on here ( which is brilliant). Take the next one mate and best of luck... Keep us updated because people do care.. 👍

Me too
I was once accused of being a pompous arse 🙄🤷‍♂️

 

[stf4ever]

Me too
I was once accused of being a pompous arse 🙄🤷‍♂️

Just once?!