Skip to main content

Advice needed

Advice needed

Reading this through this thread, I realize I'm not alone. I have two young kids, I'm struggling in every way to keep up appearances with family and work, I don't see any of my friends anymore. My kids are everything and I'm scared of leaving. Im not blameless in this but I just don't even feel like I'm being myself anymore. I'm also financially fucked without a miracle anytime soon.

The words on this thread give me hope but I don't feel ready to do anything about it yet. I'm not brave enough.
 
giro said:
That’s put a smile on my face. Don’t forget whatever the outcome it will alway be YOUR FAULT! Not!
She’ll talk to anyone who is daft enough to believe her lies!
Stay strong mate, your winning!
Click to expand...
This is where it gets hard. Cos I'd by lying if I said I didn't miss her good side and our happy times. This is where I hope therapy will help me distinguish between my hopes of what can be and actual reality
 
KeithLard said:
Reading this through this thread, I realize I'm not alone. I have two young kids, I'm struggling in every way to keep up appearances with family and work, I don't see any of my friends anymore. My kids are everything and I'm scared of leaving. Im not blameless in this but I just don't even feel like I'm being myself anymore. I'm also financially fucked without a miracle anytime soon.

The words on this thread give me hope but I don't feel ready to do anything about it yet. I'm not brave enough.
Click to expand...
I'm not the best person to give advice on this. But if I could give any, it would be to pay attention to the advice I've been given by the absolute legends who have taken the time to comment on here
 
DSPP said:
This is where it gets hard. Cos I'd by lying if I said I didn't miss her good side and our happy times. This is where I hope therapy will help me distinguish between my hopes of what can be and actual reality
Click to expand...
Were your happy times based on your terms, or hers?

If it’s something that suits the “controller”, it will happen.

Please don’t give up on counselling. You really do deserve better.
 
giro said:
Were your happy times based on your terms, or hers?

If it’s something that suits the “controller”, it will happen.

Please don’t give up on counselling. You really do deserve better.
Click to expand...
Both really. Although there was always the fear it could change at any second
 
KeithLard said:
Reading this through this thread, I realize I'm not alone. I have two young kids, I'm struggling in every way to keep up appearances with family and work, I don't see any of my friends anymore. My kids are everything and I'm scared of leaving. Im not blameless in this but I just don't even feel like I'm being myself anymore. I'm also financially fucked without a miracle anytime soon.

The words on this thread give me hope but I don't feel ready to do anything about it yet. I'm not brave enough.
Click to expand...

Don`t ever let go of hope, and you`ll still be there when change comes. Which it inevitably will, usually from totally out of the blue.
 
DSPP said:
Both really. Although there was always the fear it could change at any second
Click to expand...
One minute she can love you more than anything in the whole wide world, but can flip in a second to despising you and everything about you?

Just wondering, did she have a difficult upbringing. What are her parents like?
 
KeithLard said:
Reading this through this thread, I realize I'm not alone. I have two young kids, I'm struggling in every way to keep up appearances with family and work, I don't see any of my friends anymore. My kids are everything and I'm scared of leaving. Im not blameless in this but I just don't even feel like I'm being myself anymore. I'm also financially fucked without a miracle anytime soon.

The words on this thread give me hope but I don't feel ready to do anything about it yet. I'm not brave enough.
Click to expand...
Without knowing any facts whatsoever, a generic statement from me would be….

Marriage and relationships go stale and get boring. It takes a lot of hard work and effort, from both parties, to keep the relationship healthy.

Stresses and pressure art part and parcel of being married, having financial commitments and raising a family. It’s easy to fall into the trap of being fed up with it all and not being arsed. You obviously loved her once, why not now. Ask yourself that question and try and find the answers.

Get yourself out with your mates for a bit of you time
 
prestonmadhouse said:
One minute she can love you more than anything in the whole wide world, but can flip in a second to despising you and everything about you?

Just wondering, did she have a difficult upbringing. What are her parents like?
Click to expand...
Her mum is ok.
Her relationship with her dad is none existent
 
DSPP said:
Her mum is ok.
Her relationship with her dad is none existent
Click to expand...
I only ask, because the way she acts and treats you is possibly down to issues in her childhood.

That doesn’t excuse the behaviour. They are her issues not yours.

Issues in childhood can often cause things like BPD, narcissism and other similar disorders.

Its worth doing a little research in these areas to help you understand things.
 
KeithLard said:
Reading this through this thread, I realize I'm not alone. I have two young kids, I'm struggling in every way to keep up appearances with family and work, I don't see any of my friends anymore. My kids are everything and I'm scared of leaving. Im not blameless in this but I just don't even feel like I'm being myself anymore. I'm also financially fucked without a miracle anytime soon.

The words on this thread give me hope but I don't feel ready to do anything about it yet. I'm not brave enough.
Click to expand...

Keith if work have an EAP (Employee Assistance Programme/line) scheme(which I’m fairly certain they will given your company) get onto them and get on with a Counsellor like what DSPP has done. It’s a quick and easy way to access resources rather than having to do something through the NHS or what not. Even a couple of sessions of talking through where you are at may help you see the wood from the trees and get you some focus back.

I waited too long and sunk more than I should before I took action and in hindsight wish I had acted earlier and maybe life would have panned out differently.

Work and family are often the two big “burdens” (mentally and financially) for lots of people. They shouldn’t be burdens and often it just feels that way. The biggest factor is that you can’t do the best for your family or your finances if you aren’t doing the best for yourself first.
 
Now she's joined a dating site again. Seems no end to the torture she's prepared to put me through
 
Back
Top