I would start with these definitely…
Don’t do anything silly DSPP, there are people out there that can help you for free and I’m sure that the CA will be able to give you some direction
Advice needed
Don’t do anything silly DSPP, there are people out there that can help you for free and I’m sure that the CA will be able to give you some direction
Like an absolute fucking idiot I pulled out all the stops to make it work. She left me again the other day because I watched a film that happened to have women in it.
I know I'll crack again if she decides to sort things
How do I summon the strength to walk away and not be her emotional play thing 😔
I know I'll crack again if she decides to sort things
How do I summon the strength to walk away and not be her emotional play thing 😔
This is really toxic and I feel sorry for you.
She'll keep doing this if you let her and if you keep letting her it will leave you as half the person you used to be. Easily happens. Think about yourself and your child, read what you said earlier in the thread about how this woman makes you feel and how she treats you.
Nothing is worth losing your mental health over and you need to stay strong for your kid.
Being Muslim, I'm used to wives, husbands etc not liking their other halves watching films with the opposite sex if there's raunchiness or whatever... But to leave them just because of it? That's a whole new level!
I feel she probably enjoys being in control, being able to pick you up and drop you so trivially. You need to find it within you to take that control off her, be the one to drop her and rebuild your life. She won't like it, but tough. Sometimes you just have to be brutal to survive. You've got yourself and your kid to be thinking of, you need you, your kid needs you, she doesn't need you.
Completely agree with everything you say. There's just an overwhelming desire to make it work and to get our happy ever after. If I was an outsider, I'd tell me to run a mile and never look back. So why can't I?
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Daddyman is correct.
You will never be able to do enough. The more you try, the more demanding she will get, hence what has happened.
willpower and stamina is the only way to leave and get through it. It will hurt. It will be harder than anything you have ever done. But if you don’t, she will break you. That will hurt much more than leaving her. There is NO easy way I’m afraid
You will never be able to do enough. The more you try, the more demanding she will get, hence what has happened.
willpower and stamina is the only way to leave and get through it. It will hurt. It will be harder than anything you have ever done. But if you don’t, she will break you. That will hurt much more than leaving her. There is NO easy way I’m afraid
You are bang on. She has got much much more demanding. Nothing is ever enough.
Because, like most of us, you've got an inherent desire to display that you are good enough.
Your mind is likely warped through the torment you've experienced. The truth of the matter is, that as an outsider looking in, you'd be able to determine that it is her value that isn't high enough.
However, as you're stuck inside it, you'll be overthrown by doubt and anxiety and that is simply natural.
It sounds like you're ever so close to being able to make that final step, just need to convince yourself now that you don't want to go back and make this work, as it's far too unhealthy for that to occur.
Nothing will ever be enough and sadly that includes you. That happily ever after isn't what she's after, otherwise she'd settle with you and work on it, because happily ever after isn't just something that comes with a kiss like in the stories.
It takes hard work and effort to have a happy marriage or relationship, you seem to be wanting to make that effort, but for her to do what she does it's apparent she isn't trying.
Relationships are a bit like football teams, if you have defenders who defend well and attackers who score well, trophies are bound to come. If one half doesn't put the work in, then life has a habit of letting things slip in (much like goals) that you as a team don't want. Think boredom, jealousy, lust and infidelity, verbal abuse, indifference, arguments. I feel like I could probably ramble on more using the analogy, but I won't because I'll just lose the point I'm trying to get at.
I guarantee there's someone out there waiting for someone like you, wouldn't it be a pity if you never found them?
Exactly what I've been saying to her for months. She claims she tries but if she did she wouldn't pick me up and drop me all the time would she
Sounds to me like she needs some sort of therapy. Like cognitive behavioural therapy or something. While you keep taking her back, she’ll keep using you as a failsafe. Imagine how it must affect your child, you are there then you are not, over and over again.
I've suggested therapy for us both as a couple. She refused.
Personally I think that's a red flag. Why wouldn't you? Unless you knew it would be uncomfortable for you?
I have no idea mate. I've offered to pay so it's not the cost.
It's 1 of 2 things in my opinion..... either she's scared of being made to face up to her behaviour or she's not arsed about it working
Yes I agree, sorry if I wasn't clear but that was my point. Good luck pal.
She doesn't have to do it if she doesn't want to, so if she doesn't want to face it and she's not bothered about truly fixing things then there's literally nothing else you can do.
...Well, aside from being strong, because if this is how she is with you then she's going to be like this in other ways with your kid, maybe not today but one day. One day, maybe not now because they're young, but one day that kid is going to come running to you.
If she refuses, then she has no intention of sorting out your happy ever after. Anyone who wanted that would agree if they really valued their relationship.
I think she's trying to play with your emotions there, she probably knows you seeing her with someone else will hurt you. However, she probably isn't that bothered about a relationship with you either otherwise why even think about meeting someone else? If you move in you're in her domain, you do not want to do that because you'll be more inclined to be mistreated because you've nowhere else to go and you'll feel like it's better being with her than without her.
If she wanted you living with her she wouldn't even make you choose, she'd just be like "Let's make this work".
Perhaps you should tell her to go and meet someone else, catch her off guard. You take control of the situation. Tell her, if being with someone else makes her happy, she should do it because you want the best for her.
From the outside looking in it really doesn't sound as though that's a bad thing at all.
I say this from a place of caring but have a bit of pride and self respect. Do you reckon your child will want to grow up seeing her dad treated as a doormat?
Move on mate.