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Advice needed

Advice needed

DSPP said:
Of course I miss the sex with her. There was a connection I've never felt with anyone else and doubt I will again.

As for her company, when she was good she was absolutely amazing. Although the bad points became to frequent to be ignored. I spent almost 4 years believing/hoping those bad points would fade and I/we could enjoy a normal, happy relationship.

The realisation that will never happen is very hard to take
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DSPP said:
she’s treated you badly which affected your life and she is still affecting your life, seems there have been a lot of negative times which were increasing, look back and remember how that’s made you feel, do you really need that upset in your life? Is she really worth it? Do you want to go through all that again? I hope you manage to get yourself back on track shortly. You are raw it’s like a bereavement. Good luck 👍
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DSPP said:
Has anyone ever felt trapped by a partner? They love them more than anything yet you get treated like dirt by them. You just want them to treat you good and be happy. You know you're better off without them yet the thought of being without them turns your stomach.
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Yes... Years ago... Relationship was toxic. Best advice I can give, with hindsight, is to cut all ties... Get rid... Change your mobile number, email everything. Very difficult at the time but definitely good for emotional wellbeing in the long run
 
buckshawwhite said:
Yes... Years ago... Relationship was toxic. Best advice I can give, with hindsight, is to cut all ties... Get rid... Change your mobile number, email everything. Very difficult at the time but definitely good for emotional wellbeing in the long run
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Totally agree. I was trapped and was giving up what I most enjoyed in life. Took me a long time to walk away and even now I miss certain things but ultimately I am happier and know long term it was the correct decision.

I cancelled all social media and contact other than email to finalise the divorce
 
At times like this, you will only look at the good times and focus on her good points. This is where you need to control your thoughts as best you can.
Try hard to focus on all the bad times and her bad points. These are, of course, why you had to get out of the toxic unhealthy relationship.
She will always be a toxic person, whoever she is with.
Focus on loving yourself and self nurture.

I do understand how difficult it is to do these things, but I achieved it and I’m damn sure you will too.

Best wishes 💙
 
buckshawwhite said:
Yes... Years ago... Relationship was toxic. Best advice I can give, with hindsight, is to cut all ties... Get rid... Change your mobile number, email everything. Very difficult at the time but definitely good for emotional wellbeing in the long run
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I think in normal circumstances that is for the best but is complicated when they share a child. Trying to find that balance of communication only regarding the child becomes trickier I guess
 
jakehake said:
I think in normal circumstances that is for the best but is complicated when they share a child. Trying to find that balance of communication only regarding the child becomes trickier I guess
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Must admit I missed the bit about a child being involved. That adds a whole new world of complexity to it & some form of contact is needed for the welfare of the child. You'd always hope that when a child is involved the partner would learn to curb their extreme behaviour. Alas, that is not always the case. When I walked away from a toxic relationship years ago (admittedly it took me too long). Thankfully there was no child involved. I've since found contentment in a relationship & have 2 great kids. The message to the OP is that it can and IS done
 
Apologies if this comes across wrong.

Looking back through the thread it didnt seem like you would break up with her despite the advice. Now she has done it its probably the best thing for you. You tried everything in your power to fix things and you can say that to yourself (you also come across as the faithful one of your daughters parents).

You’re clearly a strong person (no drink for a year proves this), it will hurt now but get better quicker than you think. You will meet someone better and who is good to you. They dont say “there’s plenty more fish in the sea” for nothing.

Her loss and you should laugh at anyone who is with her after you as you know what world of shit they are in for.
 
DSPP said:
I've suggested counselling. She laughs and calls me weak
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That is so, so telling.
All I can suggest - suggest , is 2 things;-
1. To listen to your mates. ( which has been reinforced by others ( the majority ? ) on here.
2. That I would suggest that your mates are correct.
 
DSPP said:
Yeah I get that. It's just easier said than done to not let it affect me
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It will affect you. That's normal . It's a different stage of separation, that will affect you. And another bloody painful one.

But one on the way to a better life, ultimately. Your mates will help you, step by step. Keeping them up-to-speed on a regular time-wise basis isn't a bad idea.
 
Hi again @DSPP ,

This may be of some use to you in the future. January 26th is 'Let's Talk' day in Canada. January 28th is a more global event.

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Get ready to join the world’s biggest conversation about mental healt…

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Hope you're doing well 👍
 
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