Every year, I post a "Christmas message." This year, I hope you’ll indulge me with one of a personal nature.
I’ve hesitated to write this post for a while. Many of you are aware that I work for the NHS, specifically in Mental Health, which is why this year has been particularly challenging.
The last few years have been difficult. There have been breakdowns in relationships at home, the impact of COVID, and the challenge of helping three children through GCSEs (with the final one completing theirs this year). This was all while studying, completing postgraduate courses, undergoing high-intensity training, and supporting my wife, who struggles with her own mental health—something that in turn affects mine—all on the back of a global pandemic.
This year, however, has been horrid.
It began with an illness I couldn’t shake for months, followed by my wife requiring emergency spinal surgery and other health complications. Then, during the summer, my 17-year-old daughter attempted to take her own life twice in a two-week period. That experience honestly rocked my world.
After a long period of crisis support, countless visits to A&E, traveling across towns and cities for help, and enduring endless battles due to the nature of parental responsibility without real control over decisions (she has the right to make her own choices, even if they are unwise), I’ve learned that no amount of training, experience, or knowledge in mental health can fully prepare you for life’s challenges.
I’ve been on and off antidepressants over the last few years. I don’t feel ashamed to say that. Even though I work on the non-medical side of Mental Health, I firmly believe they can be beneficial.
I don’t think I have many friends. I know a lot of people, and even more know me because of North End, but at times, it can feel very lonely.
What I am lucky to have, however, is that the few friends I do have have gone above and beyond to support us, alongside our wider family, who have been amazing. My daughter is still not where she needs to be. In fact, she will only be staying with us for a couple of nights soon, as she hasn’t wanted to be here for some time. However, she’s doing amazingly well now, and that’s thanks to the support from our friends and family. Five months ago, I didn’t think she’d be here this Christmas. Despite the difficulties that lie ahead, that’s something I’m deeply grateful for.
While I’ve had to take a break from my training course and work, both have been incredibly supportive. I’m fortunate to have colleagues, managers, and supervisors who I consider friends. They mean more to me than they know, which is probably due to the career path I’ve taken—something inspired by our friend Shaky, who encouraged me to help people.
I am back at work and will finish my course no matter how long it takes.
The thought process behind this post wasn’t just to get a lot off my chest—things I can’t really discuss outside my “bubble”—but also to say thank you to everyone on this forum (well, 99% of you 😉) for keeping me going.
In 2024, I’ve completed the biggest forum upgrade and redesign ever, which is ongoing. We’ve once again had to increase our server costs due to our popularity.
Seeing the forum described as “toxic” by some individuals stings. Yes, it’s not perfect. Yes, we all talk nonsense from time to time, and yes, it can sometimes be a place where frustrations are aired.
However, it’s also a force for good. Just look at the £500 we’ve raised (so far) for Foxton, on top of the thousands raised for good causes over the last 20 years. We now have PneFlags.net, which funds the flags at Deepdale. This has been a bit of a savior for me this past year. Sure, it would be nice to get some help from time to time, but spending hours alone at Deepdale gives me plenty of time to reflect—or distract myself from real life. Sadly, it’s been more exciting than most of the football under the previous manager.
I saw one particular response to our letter to the club that said: “Shut the fuck up moaning, just watch the game and try supporting the team. No one gives a shit about your flags,” etc. Some of the comments stung. It’s very easy to focus on the negatives and filter out the positives.
I’ve also been hurt by the actions of people who describe me as a “well-meaning fan” while simultaneously questioning my credibility publicly on their business website.
I’m told the club appreciates what I’ve done and continue to do. But do they actually mean it? Have they ever shown it? I don’t do it for rewards, but after what happened in November, I can’t help but wonder if there’s any point. Maybe I should just attend games and “stop fucking moaning.”
There’s so much more to life than football. There’s more to life than Preston North End. But if it hadn’t been for Preston North End and this forum—which you all continue to fund—it would have been much harder for me to get through life. So, thank you.
Christmas is like a magnifying glass. For those who are happy and content, it magnifies that joy. For those who are struggling, it can be an especially difficult time.
Either way, keep going, keep reaching out to people, and never give up.
I’ve hesitated to write this post for a while. Many of you are aware that I work for the NHS, specifically in Mental Health, which is why this year has been particularly challenging.
The last few years have been difficult. There have been breakdowns in relationships at home, the impact of COVID, and the challenge of helping three children through GCSEs (with the final one completing theirs this year). This was all while studying, completing postgraduate courses, undergoing high-intensity training, and supporting my wife, who struggles with her own mental health—something that in turn affects mine—all on the back of a global pandemic.
This year, however, has been horrid.
It began with an illness I couldn’t shake for months, followed by my wife requiring emergency spinal surgery and other health complications. Then, during the summer, my 17-year-old daughter attempted to take her own life twice in a two-week period. That experience honestly rocked my world.
After a long period of crisis support, countless visits to A&E, traveling across towns and cities for help, and enduring endless battles due to the nature of parental responsibility without real control over decisions (she has the right to make her own choices, even if they are unwise), I’ve learned that no amount of training, experience, or knowledge in mental health can fully prepare you for life’s challenges.
I’ve been on and off antidepressants over the last few years. I don’t feel ashamed to say that. Even though I work on the non-medical side of Mental Health, I firmly believe they can be beneficial.
I don’t think I have many friends. I know a lot of people, and even more know me because of North End, but at times, it can feel very lonely.
What I am lucky to have, however, is that the few friends I do have have gone above and beyond to support us, alongside our wider family, who have been amazing. My daughter is still not where she needs to be. In fact, she will only be staying with us for a couple of nights soon, as she hasn’t wanted to be here for some time. However, she’s doing amazingly well now, and that’s thanks to the support from our friends and family. Five months ago, I didn’t think she’d be here this Christmas. Despite the difficulties that lie ahead, that’s something I’m deeply grateful for.
While I’ve had to take a break from my training course and work, both have been incredibly supportive. I’m fortunate to have colleagues, managers, and supervisors who I consider friends. They mean more to me than they know, which is probably due to the career path I’ve taken—something inspired by our friend Shaky, who encouraged me to help people.
I am back at work and will finish my course no matter how long it takes.
The thought process behind this post wasn’t just to get a lot off my chest—things I can’t really discuss outside my “bubble”—but also to say thank you to everyone on this forum (well, 99% of you 😉) for keeping me going.
In 2024, I’ve completed the biggest forum upgrade and redesign ever, which is ongoing. We’ve once again had to increase our server costs due to our popularity.
Seeing the forum described as “toxic” by some individuals stings. Yes, it’s not perfect. Yes, we all talk nonsense from time to time, and yes, it can sometimes be a place where frustrations are aired.
However, it’s also a force for good. Just look at the £500 we’ve raised (so far) for Foxton, on top of the thousands raised for good causes over the last 20 years. We now have PneFlags.net, which funds the flags at Deepdale. This has been a bit of a savior for me this past year. Sure, it would be nice to get some help from time to time, but spending hours alone at Deepdale gives me plenty of time to reflect—or distract myself from real life. Sadly, it’s been more exciting than most of the football under the previous manager.
I saw one particular response to our letter to the club that said: “Shut the fuck up moaning, just watch the game and try supporting the team. No one gives a shit about your flags,” etc. Some of the comments stung. It’s very easy to focus on the negatives and filter out the positives.
I’ve also been hurt by the actions of people who describe me as a “well-meaning fan” while simultaneously questioning my credibility publicly on their business website.
I’m told the club appreciates what I’ve done and continue to do. But do they actually mean it? Have they ever shown it? I don’t do it for rewards, but after what happened in November, I can’t help but wonder if there’s any point. Maybe I should just attend games and “stop fucking moaning.”
There’s so much more to life than football. There’s more to life than Preston North End. But if it hadn’t been for Preston North End and this forum—which you all continue to fund—it would have been much harder for me to get through life. So, thank you.
Christmas is like a magnifying glass. For those who are happy and content, it magnifies that joy. For those who are struggling, it can be an especially difficult time.
Either way, keep going, keep reaching out to people, and never give up.
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