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Annus Horribilis

Annus Horribilis

JK said:
Every year, I post a "Christmas message." This year, I hope youā€™ll indulge me with one of a personal nature.

Iā€™ve hesitated to write this post for a while. Many of you are aware that I work for the NHS, specifically in Mental Health, which is why this year has been particularly challenging.

The last few years have been difficult. There have been breakdowns in relationships at home, the impact of COVID, and the challenge of helping three children through GCSEs (with the final one completing theirs this year). This was all while studying, completing postgraduate courses, undergoing high-intensity training, and supporting my wife, who struggles with her own mental healthā€”something that in turn affects mineā€”all on the back of a global pandemic.

This year, however, has been horrid.

It began with an illness I couldnā€™t shake for months, followed by my wife requiring emergency spinal surgery and other health complications. Then, during the summer, my 17-year-old daughter attempted to take her own life twice in a two-week period. That experience honestly rocked my world.

After a long period of crisis support, countless visits to A&E, traveling across towns and cities for help, and enduring endless battles due to the nature of parental responsibility without real control over decisions (she has the right to make her own choices, even if they are unwise), Iā€™ve learned that no amount of training, experience, or knowledge in mental health can fully prepare you for lifeā€™s challenges.

Iā€™ve been on and off antidepressants over the last few years. I donā€™t feel ashamed to say that. Even though I work on the non-medical side of Mental Health, I firmly believe they can be beneficial.

I donā€™t think I have many friends. I know a lot of people, and even more know me because of North End, but at times, it can feel very lonely.

What I am lucky to have, however, is that the few friends I do have have gone above and beyond to support us, alongside our wider family, who have been amazing. My daughter is still not where she needs to be. In fact, she will only be staying with us for a couple of nights soon, as she hasnā€™t wanted to be here for some time. However, sheā€™s doing amazingly well now, and thatā€™s thanks to the support from our friends and family. Five months ago, I didnā€™t think sheā€™d be here this Christmas. Despite the difficulties that lie ahead, thatā€™s something Iā€™m deeply grateful for.

While Iā€™ve had to take a break from my training course and work, both have been incredibly supportive. Iā€™m fortunate to have colleagues, managers, and supervisors who I consider friends. They mean more to me than they know, which is probably due to the career path Iā€™ve takenā€”something inspired by our friend Shaky, who encouraged me to help people.

I am back at work and will finish my course no matter how long it takes.

The thought process behind this post wasnā€™t just to get a lot off my chestā€”things I canā€™t really discuss outside my ā€œbubbleā€ā€”but also to say thank you to everyone on this forum (well, 99% of you šŸ˜‰) for keeping me going.

In 2024, Iā€™ve completed the biggest forum upgrade and redesign ever, which is ongoing. Weā€™ve once again had to increase our server costs due to our popularity.

Seeing the forum described as ā€œtoxicā€ by some individuals stings. Yes, itā€™s not perfect. Yes, we all talk nonsense from time to time, and yes, it can sometimes be a place where frustrations are aired.

However, itā€™s also a force for good. Just look at the Ā£500 weā€™ve raised (so far) for Foxton, on top of the thousands raised for good causes over the last 20 years. We now have PneFlags.net, which funds the flags at Deepdale. This has been a bit of a savior for me this past year. Sure, it would be nice to get some help from time to time, but spending hours alone at Deepdale gives me plenty of time to reflectā€”or distract myself from real life. Sadly, itā€™s been more exciting than most of the football under the previous manager.

I saw one particular response to our letter to the club that said: ā€œShut the fuck up moaning, just watch the game and try supporting the team. No one gives a shit about your flags,ā€ etc. Some of the comments stung. Itā€™s very easy to focus on the negatives and filter out the positives.

Iā€™ve also been hurt by the actions of people who describe me as a ā€œwell-meaning fanā€ while simultaneously questioning my credibility publicly on their business website.

Iā€™m told the club appreciates what Iā€™ve done and continue to do. But do they actually mean it? Have they ever shown it? I donā€™t do it for rewards, but after what happened in November, I canā€™t help but wonder if thereā€™s any point. Maybe I should just attend games and ā€œstop fucking moaning.ā€

Thereā€™s so much more to life than football. Thereā€™s more to life than Preston North End. But if it hadnā€™t been for Preston North End and this forumā€”which you all continue to fundā€”it would have been much harder for me to get through life. So, thank you.

Christmas is like a magnifying glass. For those who are happy and content, it magnifies that joy. For those who are struggling, it can be an especially difficult time.

Either way, keep going, keep reaching out to people, and never give up.
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So honest and open there John and I donā€™t know how youā€™ve coped with it allšŸ˜”

Life is fucking tough.

Something I know too well.

Keep fighting away pal, just a day at a time and hopefully thereā€™ll be some rays of sunshine in the near future.

Sending all my thoughts and prayers for your daughter to find happiness in her life.

As for the forum, you always know we have your backšŸ’™
 
Although it has been a truly horrible time for you J.K. your post highlights your bravery and determination to fight your way through life's dogs shit.
I can relate to some of your issues through my daughters mental health over the last 8 years or so.where I became estranged at the moment and also have an autistic 14 year old grandson.
Thankfully my wife and myself are amicable and have become allies along with our two other daughters in helping our family moving on and working together to hold everyone together.
I suppose what I'm trying to express is your post, as others have digested, gives hope and inspiration in a somewhat callous real world, especially on social media.
Keep at it fella, be stoic and good luck to your daughter and yourself in the future.
FWIW, only tip I can advise is talk and listen, even if some of the rhetoric is hard to accept.
Don't know you personally, but probably would recognise you from former days and periods watching this lot!
Stay positive J.K and make sure you have a good Christmas!
 
When we think of friends, and call their faces out of the shadows, and their voices out of the echoes that faint along the corridors of memory, and do it without knowing why save that we love to do it, we content ourselves that that friendship is a Reality, and not a Fancy--that it is builded upon a rock, and not upon the sands that dissolve away with the ebbing tides and carry their monuments with them.
 
Muzza said:
Hell's teeth JK! I have no idea how you've managed to do everything you have for this forum and the club on top of all of that which has gone on in your personal life. Incredible.
So sorry to hear of yours and your family's challenges and heartache.
Thanks for all you do, and above all look after and prioritise yourself and loved ones.
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Yep you and your family come first and foremost.šŸ‘
 
Just ...."Don't let those bastards grind you down" , John.
The same to all on this particular thread - and I wish you all have a "Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year" .
All a bit clichĆ©d I know - but Frankly my Dears I Don't give a Damn.šŸ„¹šŸ‘
 
Preston Lad said:
So honest and open there John and I donā€™t know how youā€™ve coped with it allšŸ˜”

Life is fucking tough.

Something I know too well.

Keep fighting away pal, just a day at a time and hopefully thereā€™ll be some rays of sunshine in the near future.

Sending all my thoughts and prayers for your daughter to find happiness in her life.

As for the forum, you always know we have your backšŸ’™
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Itā€™s actually a hard question to ask but I sincerely hope things are getting better for you and the little (or not so little now) one. Iā€™ve noticed you posting a few times about trips to games and itā€™s that sort of thing, the little moments and the big, that football can create. Just for those few hours, your problems seem smaller - a bit like Christmas I suppose.

As for JK, this is a marvellous place and one we are grateful for. It sounds like an awful time and thereā€™s not an awful lot to say but I hope the end of the tunnel is in sight and the light is getting bigger. I couldnā€™t write something like that, I sometimes wish I could, but I also hope it helps knowing that people who mostly donā€™t know you care.

I will add an extra prayer to my busy prayer list this weekend.
 
Wow @JK

Nothing but admiration and respect for you. How you manage to do everything in light of what has happened around you is truly remarkable.

I wish you renewed hope, strength and good health my friend. All the best to you and your family.
 
Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by their talk". "Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you". "As your kids grow up, they may forget what you said, but they won't forget how you made them feel
Your endless unsolicited and unconditional love and care to me in your post shows through so very clearly, just keep on doing what you are doing, you will have endless doubts and to say donā€™t worry is at best naive, thatā€™s what will keep you going, the endless need to do better.
God bless and I will be joining @wld if I may in adding you to my prayers
 
Lord Edgington said:
Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by their talk". "Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you". "As your kids grow up, they may forget what you said, but they won't forget how you made them feel
Your endless unsolicited and unconditional love and care to me in your post shows through so very clearly, just keep on doing what you are doing, you will have endless doubts and to say donā€™t worry is at best naive, thatā€™s what will keep you going, the endless need to do better.
God bless and I will be joining @wld if I may in adding you to my prayers
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To me !!!!
How about ā€œthemā€
šŸ¤”šŸ™„
 
wld said:
Itā€™s actually a hard question to ask but I sincerely hope things are getting better for you and the little (or not so little now) one. Iā€™ve noticed you posting a few times about trips to games and itā€™s that sort of thing, the little moments and the big, that football can create. Just for those few hours, your problems seem smaller - a bit like Christmas I suppose.

As for JK, this is a marvellous place and one we are grateful for. It sounds like an awful time and thereā€™s not an awful lot to say but I hope the end of the tunnel is in sight and the light is getting bigger. I couldnā€™t write something like that, I sometimes wish I could, but I also hope it helps knowing that people who mostly donā€™t know you care.

I will add an extra prayer to my busy prayer list this weekend.
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Hi pal,
Means a lot that, thank youšŸ’™
Things not great with my eldest lad, heā€™s 20 now, but at the moment heā€™s healthy and loving life.
My youngest, heā€™s 14, pretty much hates my guts and does nothing but moan at me, when he does decide to speak to me.šŸ˜„

Hope all is well on your side
 
Preston Lad said:
Hi pal,
Means a lot that, thank youšŸ’™
Things not great with my eldest lad, heā€™s 20 now, but at the moment heā€™s healthy and loving life.
My youngest, heā€™s 14, pretty much hates my guts and does nothing but moan at me, when he does decide to speak to me.šŸ˜„

Hope all is well on your side
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Ok thanks, mineā€™s doing very well - he reads this so canā€™t say too much! I hope things pick up for the eldest, I do remember his name but wonā€™t post it here. The youngest is just fulfilling the role you brought him into the world to fill šŸ˜„
 
wld said:
Ok thanks, mineā€™s doing very well - he reads this so canā€™t say too much! I hope things pick up for the eldest, I do remember his name but wonā€™t post it here. The youngest is just fulfilling the role you brought him into the world to fill šŸ˜„
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So glad to hear!šŸ™‚

Thanks again for the kind words, they are appreciated

He was literally my little best mate and wanted to go everywhere with me.
Now he just completely blanks mešŸ¤¦šŸ»ā€ā™‚ļøšŸ˜„
 
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