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Welcome, Matt. I'm DH, usually known on the forum as 'the voice of reason'

Awkward Sorry Not Sorry GIF by CBeebies HQ
 
Want me to send you a pic of my truncheon? Just to make you look better!

I remember the time you flaunted it on the upper deck of the 'Fulwood via Cromwell Road' bus. That poor woman was never the same. The size of that damned thing would certainly not make me look better
 
I remember the time you flaunted it on the upper deck of the 'Fulwood via Cromwell Road' bus. That poor woman was never the same. The size of that damned thing would certainly not make me look better

Yeh right, she was well impressed when I rang the bell without using me hands or leaving the seat!
 
I remember the time you flaunted it on the upper deck of the 'Fulwood via Cromwell Road' bus. That poor woman was never the same. The size of that damned thing would certainly not make me look better

I got mine out for a female doctor once and she burst out laughing. After she regained composure she asked me what the problem was and I told her it was swollen.
 
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