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Advice needed

Advice needed

Yeah but I can see this being a hell of a lot harder

I`ve read all your posts and really felt some of your pain. Others on here clearly have , too. To see grown men, on a football forum, opening discussing personal pain and insecurites.... well, I don`t really have words but it`s a wonderful, if sadly poignant , thread....

...of real people empathising with you..and offerring real hope, not empty words, but the wisdom of bitter life experience.

And something else I `ve found. If you hit rock bottom....you bounce.

Happy New Year bud.

I hope you can find some way to look forward, and not back.
 
Well my worst fears have been confirmed. She's been talking to a man on tinder. He's coming round tomorrow. Absolutely broken.
 
Absolutely broken.
Are you fuck.

Probably needed a kick up the arse to see what's best for you but hopefully that message has got home loud and clear.

It's a break up, they're hard, you'll be upset but it couldn't be a more poignant date for it, work on yourself in 2022 and use it as a clean slate.

Keep talking cha, were all here for you.
 
I reckon you're right JD. it's just whether I'm mentally strong enough. I somehow doubt it. I'll give it my best shot

Hi mate. Drop me a PM if you need. You are strong enough it just doesn’t feel like it right now. You will get to a point where you feel better for the decision and action you made
 
Well my worst fears have been confirmed. She's been talking to a man on tinder. He's coming round tomorrow. Absolutely broken.

Now you endure.
And you will.
Because you have no choice.
And because once the worst happens, the fear itself no longer hangs over you.

I remember the first time I bumped into my ex with another bloke. We weren`t divorced yet when it happened.. She was still my wife. That means something. I`d been working away for a year and was out on the beer late on a saturday night, all three of us old mates absolutely rat-arsed, and I was sort of enjoying myself . But there was a pain still inside me. A thorn. I felt that pain everytime I woke up, everywhere I went.

The three of us went for a Chinese, somewhere where the staff had known me for years. We stood waiting at the counter for our order, our backs to the entrance. There was suddenly a strange hush in the room. My mates seemed to have disappeared from my side. The staff were looking horrified over my shoulder.

I turned slowly to see what was behind me. It was my wife and her new bloke. There was total silence and everyone just stood still.

Then I saw my two mates, back outside now, through the window. They were absolutely pissing themselves. I took the food, walked out and joined them, and as soon as were were out of sight, began to laugh too. We didn`t stop all the way home.

Every time I thought of it, all I could think was `Thank fuck this time it wasn`t me that had to take her home` . I actually felt a little sorry for him. He looked a nice guy, and didn`t know what he was getting into.

I slept well. The thorn was gone. It was a mercifully fast closure for a small but seeping wound. Healing was fast, after that.
 
Well my worst fears have been confirmed. She's been talking to a man on tinder. He's coming round tomorrow. Absolutely broken.

Focus on one simple fact.......... You are far better off without her and good riddance. It might take a while with many complications but long term you'll feel a darn site better than you do now.. Chuckle at the poor fecker that ends up with her next and she does the same to him. Get out but do it civilly............. Best of luck and keep posting..
 
Well my worst fears have been confirmed. She's been talking to a man on tinder. He's coming round tomorrow. Absolutely broken.

You may feel broken now, but you can be fixed and you will be fixed, unlike some people who just go around treating people as poorly as they please. Those people aren't fixable with any amount of help.

Just focus on you and your daughter now, that's all that matters in the end.
 
Thanks everyone. I'm going to take time to reflect and see what I could have done differently and where I go from here
Sometimes things happen in life that hurt like shit, but later on you realise it happened for a reason and your life will be better further down the line.

Pm if you ever want to speak in private.

Good luck.
 
Thanks everyone. I'm going to take time to reflect and see what I could have done differently and where I go from here

The worst thing you can do right now DSPP is judge yourself against someone else's misgivings. You'll end up beating yourself up over somebody else's issues.

I'd say take the time to analyse yourself, see if you're happy with who you are. That's all that matters, truly.

Time to prioritise yourself for once. Lift yourself up, realise that you're deserving of better, and go ahead with a new zest for the future.

I took 8 years to do it. They can be really enjoyable years if you don't allow yourself to beat yourself up.

All the best, and as Nobber says, feel free to drop a PM if you ever want a private chat.
 
The worst thing you can do right now DSPP is judge yourself against someone else's misgivings. You'll end up beating yourself up over somebody else's issues.

I'd say take the time to analyse yourself, see if you're happy with who you are. That's all that matters, truly.

Time to prioritise yourself for once. Lift yourself up, realise that you're deserving of better, and go ahead with a new zest for the future.

I took 8 years to do it. They can be really enjoyable years if you don't allow yourself to beat yourself up.

All the best, and as Nobber says, feel free to drop a PM if you ever want a private chat.
Really good advice
I always like to think “what are peoples motivations”. Generally and in the main they are good or sometimes misguided, the list of cock ups though and especially in my case would fill a roll of wallpaper, to err is to be human and mulling over that is a pointless emotion
just spend time looking at what you can affect and what kind of person you are, I get the feeling that your confidence is low? But you are a fantastic person. Probably the one today who will offer a random kind gesture as simple as smiling at someone in a shop or such like. These are the things that actually count
 
Really tough night tonight. Lying in bed alone and all I can think of is her and what she's up to. It's torture 😔
 
Really tough night tonight. Lying in bed alone and all I can think of is her and what she's up to. It's torture 😔
Concentrate on what you can control rather than what is out of your control. You need your own plans for you and your child. That’s your focus for now and in the near term. You will do this. Focus on the important stuff
 
Concentrate on what you can control rather than what is out of your control. You need your own plans for you and your child. That’s your focus for now and in the near term. You will do this. Focus on the important stuff
Easier said than done mate. But yes I'm trying to
 
Easier said than done mate. But yes I'm trying to

In no way, shape, or form do you deserve the abuse you're receiving. You deserve, and are entitled to, so much better. Control what you can and don't relinquish that control. All the very best, may you find all the strength you need to resolve this unhappy situation.
 
Really tough night tonight. Lying in bed alone and all I can think of is her and what she's up to. It's torture 😔
Is it her general everyday company that you miss or is it the sex that you miss?

Easy lines to blurr.

Sex comes and goes then arrives again in a new form.

Her everyday company though sounds from your posts something you shouldn't really miss.

Use your sensible head, not your head lead by your pants. 👍
 
Is it her general everyday company that you miss or is it the sex that you miss?

Easy lines to blurr.

Sex comes and goes then arrives again in a new form.

Her everyday company though sounds from your posts something you shouldn't really miss.

Use your sensible head, not your head lead by your pants. 👍
Of course I miss the sex with her. There was a connection I've never felt with anyone else and doubt I will again.

As for her company, when she was good she was absolutely amazing. Although the bad points became to frequent to be ignored. I spent almost 4 years believing/hoping those bad points would fade and I/we could enjoy a normal, happy relationship.

The realisation that will never happen is very hard to take
 
In no way, shape, or form do you deserve the abuse you're receiving. You deserve, and are entitled to, so much better. Control what you can and don't relinquish that control. All the very best, may you find all the strength you need to resolve this unhappy situation.
I'll get there Sid. It's hard now but the support from complete strangers like yourself means an awful lot
 
Really tough night tonight. Lying in bed alone and all I can think of is her and what she's up to. It's torture 😔

Concentrate on what you can control rather than what is out of your control. You need your own plans for you and your child. That’s your focus for now and in the near term. You will do this. Focus on the important stuff
I ignore the first word as I'm not religious (although the 'God' can be anything you want it to be... the sky, the ocean, yourself). But this is something I took away from the clinic I was in last year for 3 weeks, and it serves me well at times to remember it.

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